First post - a few sets of lyrics

Hey guys, really glad to be here. Awesome that there's a website like this. I'm pretty much here to improve on my lyrics writing, and read some awesome lyrics that you guys might have. I have some stuff write here and was looking for some feedback and constructive criticism...don't expect too much, but here ya go! Thanks!

1.
I’d guess you’d call em lyrics, but I haven’t sung in days
It’s not that I don’t wanna, my voice just doesn’t raise
Weighed down by…
A sound like…
Oh my god it hurts to hear
To pretend that…
And suspend that…
Belief wont get you far, without keys, without a car.
When challenging your programming, know winnings a ways away.

2.

Humid day on the horse’s trail, but the choices you made keep my legs pumpin, legs pumpin, legs pumpin
Amusing now: the next time I’m hear I can’t find any stars for us to gaze at, when feelings finally feeling warmer, warmer, warmer, underneath your porch light.
But I don’t mind the crooked steps pinch my spine, laying back I feel two separate reds attempt to thrust their way in my eyes.
Head down, I felt your mothers arm envelope me- like she’s my own, she says it’s gonna get better. It’s gonna get better.


3.
Fingers can’t dance with strings, misconception that my voice would one day bloom
Enough reason to save my world from the inside of my room


Scratch marks swallow the page, give reason to the questionable white
And I swear we’d all be fine if I could find this last line.

Spent years filling notebooks, disguised as a doodle
Self involved stories lending uncatchy hooks.
If I was the man I write, I might understand that the stories tell themselves.

Well c’mon try and mimmick me now, the lyrics smeared, dark, and dripping from the check to the brow.
Part of me laughing, should I be disgraced, that the words on the paper resemble my face?


I guess some of these might be hard to understand as everything I write is very personal to the point where I'm not comfortable straight up explaining the situation, but if anyone really wants to know, I'd be happy to explain the meaning behind any of them...

1 is ok
2 I don't like it
3 AWESOME
check out some of mine PLEASE

theyre good i guess

please read mine and review


its called Young Hearts



Darkness everywhere
The world isn't fair
Bombs going off somewhere

Sadness creeping into young hearts
Because of war and death
Makes you forget of all the good times once shared

And people live in fear
Because of the men with guns
No one will ever be the same again
Oh, who is the one to blame?
(For this?)

Soldiers will feel the effects of war
Civilian's will wear the consequences
A nation will lose it's pride
The world will have nothing to gain
(At all)

Sadness creeping into young hearts
Because of war and death
Makes you forget of all
The good times once shared

It's always sad to see a child all alone
Crying over their mother's dead body
A sense of sadness in society
Are you so cold hearted to let the war go on?

Sadness creeping into young hearts
Because of war and death
Makes you forget of all
The good times once shared

Darkness everywhere
The world just isn't fair
Bombs flying everwhere

[END]


copyright 2009 luke haze