Аfter watching a sad film

Thread: Аfter watching a sad film

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  1. mpalmer123 said:

    Default Аfter watching a sad film

    Hi, I wrote this in 30mins after watching a sad film and would like it reviewed but not a Simon Cowell style one. It is not\near finished as I have missed the main chorus but it looks more like a poem each time I read it:


    Life in the trees, the silence under the moon, where have they gone?
    The air we need, the price we pay, surely this is no theft.
    Land laying dead, trees left uncovered and Bereft.
    Do we leave our world abandoned?

    Screams left unchecked, prayers left unseen, who is left to comfort?
    The air we need, the price we pay, surely this is no theft.
    Numbers are lost, creatures are spent, who’s is left to fault?
    Why do we leave our world abandoned?

    Pilfering takes place, with no means to trade and who is betrayed?
    Denials are loud, remorse not given so who is left to blame?
    Profits we seek, greed the goal and the story still the same,
    How can we leave this world forsaken?

    Laws left unspoken, acts left unchecked and our planet is taken,
    No language is spoken, honour no bounds so why are we afraid?
    Weathers darken, storms more common and still it is not man-made,
    But they still choose defiance to remain unshaken.
     
  2. Liam Pioch said:

    Default

    Don't worry, I'm not harsh like Simon Cowell. I really like these lyrics. They're deep and meaningful and they would attract a more older audience. A lot of world issues are included in and music is more common than watching the news. So, if this is produced, you'll be telling your target audience about these issues and it'd be really beneficial. I understand it's not finished yet but, hopefully, this reply sparks a giant lyric trade between other members. In all seriousness, you're really talented. Love it... keep writing it!