Friends Of Jim Scallan – Flyshower Roll Call Lyrics

((from the play "Greek Sex", as sung by the characters the Flyshowers!))
*scene: Brittany is stolen from the Deer and David by a family of fatties who take her home and decide to partake in a belly-flop fest. Now they introduce themselves...*
(the family gathers together in a line, making a salute and marching in place)
FAMILY
FLYSHOWER ROLL CALL!
THIN BROTHER
(opens arms and jumps back and forth)
Thin Brother!
AMY
T-t-t-Treestump! (slaps ass, hand gets caught in it, sheepishly walks to the end of the line)
ANNA
MISS ENCHILADA! (eats 8 at one time and rubs belly) MMMMMMMMMM!!
(The Mexican boy and girl from the house next door come out onto their porch and watch the show.)
MEXICAN BOY
(shakes head)
Ay, Dios Mio. Son demasiado grande.
(Back to the Roll Call..)
DAVID STEAK
D-D-D-DAVID! (exposes his huge stomach and jiggles it around seductively)
(Brittany works her way out of the bag at this moment, watching the sight and covering her mouth as to prevent vomiting)
DOG (V.O.)
T-T-T-TBONE! (is so large that he can't move)
(Raccoon, very large and mangy, holds up a sign saying "R-r-r-Rabies!". A huge, made-up, teenage girl, Ellie May, waltzes in from the porch wearing K-mart attire. She starts a conga line with the family.)
ELLIE MAY
I'rt Ellie May!
(A tall, muscular brown haired boy, Blake, and a troupe of male dancers march and dance in, dressed in green leotards and twirling batons. Blake steps in front of them, throws his baton up high, and smiles. They form a circle, then quickly march out, arm in arm. The Flyshowers walk in front of their house and gesture towards their front door, leaving a space for someone to walk out.)
FAMILY
And here's our star....she can't even fit in our car....the fattest so far! She's....
(a teenage girl, Baycah, passing all the rest by far in heaviness, waddles out of the front door wearing a Carmen Miranda type dress and hat [with chicken legs and candy replacing the traditional fruit]. She pauses and puts her hands on hips.)
BAYCAH
FLYSHOWER! BAYCAH ELLIOT LOUISE!
(She reaches for a chicken leg from her hat, takes a bite, then makes her way down to join the Flyshowers. They then attempt to pick her up using her arms and turning her around, but to no avail.)
BAYCAH
I ART THE FATTEST OF THE BUNCH! (casts eyes at the sack which Brittany is escaping from) I'D SURE LIKE PIG PARTS NOW TO MUNCH!
(Baycah attempts a 2 step with the family, but everyone is too heavy. David Steak falls on his ass. They finally land on their knees with their hands in the air, shaking the fat on their arms.)
FAMILY
LARD!