Wrong Words

grddbd

I like what you're going for here and the tone of what you want to say is evident. I like the 1st verse opening, but the second verse sounds a little forced and choppy with the "zero" reference. I think with some rewording you could get the same idea out with more of a flow. The fourth verse gets your meaning out, but the syllable count is so different than the other verses that it impedes the flow of the song (IMO). Having said all this, I like this overall and think it has the makings of a real good song. I can see that you have a flair with words and with some editing, you can make this pop out at us. Nice work, I enjoyed it.

Yeah, I agree with you about the second verse but for long i wanted to use these rhymes ("zero-hero"). I'll change it soon, in the meantime I'm open to suggestions. I also admit I was in a hurry to complete this lyric. Thanks for your opinion, I appreciate it.