Pathetic

Should I use #1 or #2 as the opening? Help is much appreciated, thank you!


// Pathetic
#1) do you feel [so] pathetic?
#2) i feel so pathetic.
i wonder when it started.
this stupid eerie sensation.
always stabbing for my ugly demise.

i can't think straight,
every blink of an eye,
i feel less alive.
this soft whisper of mine,
always whispers for me to die.

i try to block it out,
but i become more blot out.
i hide beneath my blanket,
but i just can't escape from this dreaded fate.
always there trying to persuade,
for the days that i will fade.

i can't think straight,
every blink of an eye,
i feel less alive.
this soft whisper of mine,
always whispers for me to die.

so i wonder when
the time will come
when my days will end.
the moments i've laughed and smiled,
it seems like awhile.
how i wish to go back to that instant,
but it seems so far and distant.


i can't think straight,
every blink of an eye,
i feel less alive.
this soft whisper of mine,
always whispers for me to die.

i can feel its grasp,
taking away my last,
so this is my conclusion,
but it all seems like an illusion.

i feel so pathetic.
i wonder when it started.
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Please don't hold back your criticism. I truly want to improve. I hope someone will give corrections, and help me improvise the way I write. Thank you!

the lyrics were good and so was the theme
4/5

Thank you for the compliment. I am trying to find a way I can express this through my vocal. I want to give life to it.

Anyone care to advise me a little? Thank you.