Real Problems

Originally Posted by Frankie Jasmine

The great and powerful Oz just foud your question, "that's insane" is fine!!

Thank you,Master.

Yes Doug thank you for asking my oppinion, this piece is great as usual. I enjoyed the risk you took in choosing such a straight forward topic. It's a rude truth that humanity is lost in its own dumbed-down false sense of reality. There are truths out there hiding in plane sight that need to be confronted. I've tried myself a number of times to incorporate this idea in my works but I've never been able to touch on as many of the 'problems' as you have. You made it simple but to-the-point, and very much 'in-your-face'. Good display of higher thought. Props Doug.

Thanks for your kind words,Smoothtung.What I was asking you was your opinion on;

Tornadoes and hurricanes
Global Warming;that's insane

I was asking;should the "that's"stay?Or should it be;Global Warming;insane.I recall that you told me "that's Diablo Diane"would read better as "Diablo Diane"s sans "that's".It's should I leave the "that's"or take it out?I followed your suggestion last time and found your advice on the word "that's"to be expert!What do you think?(See Comment#14)

Oh ok. Well that depends man, on what sort of technique you're going for there. If you're trying to go for a syllabic rythm it sounds better to leave out "that". If you're going for more of a 'contemporary' rythm like tatomic said than I believe that you're better suited to keep the line how it is. If you're looking for more of a rhyme than I have suggestions or inspirations;

Tornadoes, hurricanes
Global warming burns the plains

Tornadoes, hurricanes
Global warming; certain pain.

Tornadoes, hurricanes
Global warming; furnace breaks.

Tornadoes, hurricanes
Warming global source of space.

Tornadoes, hurricanes
Poor and paid folk curse in vein.

Tornadoes, hurricanes
(Sport)raincoats; turn the plane.
Etc..

Thanks Smooth!I'll stick with,"That's insane"because it is!I was thinking either; That's Insane or simply,"insane."Insane has to stay,Daddy-O,cause dats hows I sees it! It was a" that's Diablo Diane" vs.Diane,the way you convinced me of!Thanks for your input,I DO appreciate it!

Aha don't I understand, I feel that way all the time. If I see it one way that's the end of it. Hope I helped bud.

Originally Posted by smoothtung

Aha don't I understand, I feel that way all the time. If I see it one way that's the end of it. Hope I helped bud.

Yes you did!(This how you bump your work!)

These are very powerful lyrics! I especially like the 'deny it-fry it'-part. I know lyrics can't change the world, but hopefully these lines wil get people thinking.

Great job man. I like the vibe and angst. Keep it up!

Good lyrics they have a true meaning. What type of music where you thinking for this.

Originally Posted by Matt6660

Good lyrics they have a true meaning. What type of music where you thinking for this.

Matt,
Thanks for the feedback.You're a good songwriter so it has more impact than usual.As far as what type of music......haven't a clue.It could be folky (Dylan's early stuff)or Heavy Metal.Depending on which side of the bed I woke up on that morning!Thanks for asking.

Thanks man. It would work both ways mabe more. Great lyric.

Gravedigger Kid me gave me the creeps, but this is righteous scaring to death
The solution:stick your head in the sand,guys! Apres nous le déluge (after us the flooding, they would like that in New Orleans)
Doug, I'm glad you're not a dope and face the facts.
This side of the ocean we often think Americans don't give a shamble about it (using clean expressions for good reason!), but you prove it ain't true.
And then again: you make these words run like a train; I see Smoothtung point though: the tighter the rhythm, the better the message will
come across; I aim at that more and more myself.
In daily speech people have the inclination to use superfluous words most of the time: it irritates me.
Good job done again!

As Doug referred to:

Where Gravedigger Kid is fiction,this,unfortunately isn't!

Originally Posted by Doug Denslowe

Where Gravedigger Kid is fiction,this,unfortunately isn't!

No, but when it comes to digging graves there are certain similarities,lol

Originally Posted by amaryn

No, but when it comes to digging graves there are certain similarities,lol

Unfortunately,so true.

This is absolutely AWESOME Doug!! It's very clear that your writing has progressed through patient practicing of your skills. The rhythm is there, the words play like a song, one note gently and gracefully gliding into another...PLUS your message is profound and accurate. You have shown your abilities as a song writer,a poet, and as an activist. I have to say, this may be my favorite (of course I am partial to Wild West Jess) This piece of work is at a level to be published. I love the chorus and the ending just completely seals the deal....we *****, we moan, government's takin over, we're blissfully ignorant ON PURPOSE and then when it's time to make a change (voting), we just can't find the time! It's a very clear visual representation (which you are very good at) and it's a very accurate observation of the 'hipster' generation...in one word, it's APATHY. Pure and simple. We are too clouded by our own selfish problems and petty and frivolous situations, that we stay blind in regards to the major global issues that will directly affect us, our children, and most definitely our grandchildren.

Thank you for this Doug. I admire you as a writer and as a conscientious human being.
Walk in Peace,
Jessie

Originally Posted by smoothtung

Oh ok. Well that depends man, on what sort of technique you're going for there. If you're trying to go for a syllabic rythm it sounds better to leave out "that". If you're going for more of a 'contemporary' rythm like tatomic said than I believe that you're better suited to keep the line how it is. If you're looking for more of a rhyme than I have suggestions or inspirations;

Tornadoes, hurricanes
Global warming burns the plains

Tornadoes, hurricanes
Global warming; certain pain.

Tornadoes, hurricanes
Global warming; furnace breaks.

Tornadoes, hurricanes
Warming global source of space.

Tornadoes, hurricanes
Poor and paid folk curse in vein.

Tornadoes, hurricanes
(Sport)raincoats; turn the plane.
Etc..

I love the transition in this piece...it's smooth and all the words compliment each other!! Very nice.

Hi Doug,

From the very first read I loved this. (aaah! had to open two tags, one for your lyrics and one for my comment lol) I always wanted to write something about the real problems we are facing on a daily basis. It's depressing to think solving them is beyond our powers... even trying to would get us killed! (if we are not united and determined). I eagerly read what others said (even made a cup of tea in the meantime lol). Still, I feel that there's more to be added. I also noticed you posted this in April this year which explains why I hadn't commented on this already (were too busy studying - last year of high school). Hope it's not late.

I like the way you've included more than one real problem, it kind of reminds me of when we were given a topic and we had to write an essay and expand and justify our ideas where I wasn't very good at. Also, I believe this lyric apply to all countries, we face the same problems more or less. (watching the news right now - 10,000 killed in Philippines!!! - feeling terrible). I try to be honest when I give a critique, but literally there's nothing negative to say about "Real Problems". I only failed to understand these lines:

When you eat chicken / It's best not to fry it

. Well done!

Zak,thanks for dropping in to say Hell-O and taking the time to comment on my thread.The line "when you eat chicken,it's best not to fry it"was written because it rhymed with the other lines,because I thought it was funny,but let me tell you more.The chain Kentucky Fried Chicken changed their name to KFC because of the furor over fried foods.With obesity being a rampant problem in America,fried foods fell out of favor.Endless stories on local and national news about the "bad thing about fried foods"!!So.....there you have it;tongue in cheek,but still "a problem" nonetheless!