Need correction of translation from russian please

Thread: Need correction of translation from russian please

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  1. Dangerous & Moving's Avatar

    Dangerous & Moving said:

    Default Need correction of translation from russian please

    Hello everyone! I'm student of russian language, so for practice I tried to translate one song, I'm not sure is it correct tho, so I hope somebody will be kind enough to help me and tell me what is wrong in this translation. Thanks in advance.

    So here are original lyrics and my translation:

    ТВОЯ

    Твоя рука сейчас в моей руке
    И свет дрожит в моих слезах
    Твой плач, я на коленях
    Весь твой крик сейчас в моих словах...

    По ступеням - вниз
    В прятки - от себя
    Был пустой каприз
    Я играла зря...

    Я знаю...

    Навсегда.. я твоя, я останусь здесь
    Буду здесь... лишь для тебя
    Я не молчу, просто талый снег
    Талый снег - моя слеза
    Это грим, просто черный грим
    Черный грим - мои глаза
    Знаешь, я... я останусь здесь
    Навсегда твоя...

    Yours

    Your hand is now in my hand
    And the light is shivering in my tears
    Your crying, im on my knees
    All of your screaming is now in my words

    Steps down
    Hide and seek from yourself
    It was an empty caprice
    I was playing for nothing

    I know…

    Forever… I'm yours, I will stay here
    I will be here… just for you
    I'm not quiet…simpy a melting snow
    Melting snow… my tears
    This is make-up…just a black make-up
    Black make-up… my eyes
    You know, I… I will stay here
    Forever yours…
    ''Glupost je sama u sebe zaljubljena i njeno je samoljublje bezgranično.''

    ''Siamo niente senza fantasie''

    ''Наверное мне место на луне, но страшно оставаться в темноте''
     
  2. tim2286's Avatar

    tim2286 said:

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    The thing i could find was "Талый снег" Талый is an adjective describing something that has already meltED its not meltING other than that ... well done.
     
  3. vuoklis's Avatar

    vuoklis said:

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    i don't know, maybe you changed plural in the original text into singular in the translation, but "my tears" is plural, so it should "moyi slezy" (don't have russian on this keyboard, sorry)
    great translation
     
  4. Dangerous & Moving's Avatar

    Dangerous & Moving said:

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    sorry, my mistake is 'my tears' it should be in singular... as for Талый I found a word in my dictionary (word in Croatian) which i didn't really know how to translate in english... thank you both
    ''Glupost je sama u sebe zaljubljena i njeno je samoljublje bezgranično.''

    ''Siamo niente senza fantasie''

    ''Наверное мне место на луне, но страшно оставаться в темноте''
     
  5. Alexei said:

    Default

    Being a native Russian speaker I may say that TALY SNEG is normally said about snow in the spring time, that is wet and soaked with water. But it is still snow, not water, for sure.