Help, i'm writing this for an assignment I wanna know if it's good so far

It's actually a poem, but sssshhh! I'm in the middle of writing the thrid and final verse and I wanna know if it's alright before I have to read it out to the class.

Passengers

The driver puts his foot down,
Tunes into a radio station.
Some of us put our feet down
and demand the destination,
But we’re only met with silence
and a reading list
Of stars and palms and tarot cards
We take a glance,
as time drives past
our desired location,
Because we’re a passenger nation.

Time flies but it doesn’t land.
We can’t take a holiday when we arrive
At 7 years, and stay for years,
Sneering at boys and paying in tears
earnt in injury or forged in the mind.
Because we don’t drive,
So we don’t decide.

I'd really appreciate it if you could tell me what meaning you get from it, so I know if what i'm trying to say comes across. Criticise the poem, and ask what I mean by things. I don't take it personnaly.

i dont get the point in the poem...there seems to be none...

oh. well it was supposed to be saying how people are relly just passengers in life. We don't have controll over our lives really, most things that happen are out of our controll. Someone or somthing out there knows where we're going and has decided for us, but won't tell us.

Here's some more that I wrote. I am aware that it reads like seperate poems, i'm working on that.

A week on our thirteenth we wouldn’t mind.
Opening presents and rolling our eyes,
Telling our parents they’re ruining our lives,
Eating cake and feeling older.
Getting older is great until you get old
If it were up to us we wouldn’t get old
But our life’s not up to us we’re told
Because we don’t drive
our own lives,
So we don’t decide.
We’re passengers, we don’t need a mind
But we do have minds, they make us mind

On an endangered day
When what lives inside our heads
When the living all play dead
Becomes reality instead
Turquiose skies overhead
As a warning, fade away
To colours of a cowboy cliché
An amber traffic light
Get ready to be driven away
Into the night



All life is is us,
as we try to adjust
To the situations
That we’re dropped off into
When we’re chucked off the bus
Into alien waters
With fish we don’t trust
Not one’s the same species as us
But we want to fit in
So we’re trying to swim
Then we find our fins
And we’re driven away
We don’t think it’s time for a change
It’s time who makes the change
And steers us away to a different age


I really need help trying to bring all these bits together to make it into one poem.

Is this better?

Passengers

On an endangered day
When what lives inside our heads
When the living all play dead
Becomes reality instead
Turquoise skies overhead
As a warning, fade away
To colours of a cowboy cliché
An amber traffic light
Get ready to be driven away
Into the night

The driver puts his foot down,
Tunes into a radio station.
Some of us put our feet down
and demand the destination,
But we’re only met with silence
and a reading list
Of stars and palms and tarot cards
We take a glance,
as time drives past
our desired location,
Because we’re a passenger nation.

We can’t stay
We’re told what to do by the time and the day
And we do as they say

All life is is us,
as we try to adjust
To the situations
That we’re dropped off into
When we’re chucked off the bus
Into alien waters
With fish we don’t trust
Not one’s the same species as us
But we want to fit in
So we’re trying to swim
Then we find our fins
And we’re driven away
We don’t think it’s time for a change
It’s time who makes the change
And steers us away to a different age

Our life’s not up to us we’re told
Because we don’t drive
our own lives,
So we don’t decide.
We’re passengers, we don’t need a mind
But we do have minds, they make us mind

way better...make a chorus and this would make a great song about people and there lives