Feeling of Today

All I do is bother you
No matter what I do
You say I don't
I say I won't
To myself
Put emotion on a shelf

I have fear
And it is dear
That I will push you away
That it will soon be the day
Then I weakly assure
That these feelings aren't sure

I don't know what I am doing
Strange outbursts and stewing
Everyone else is fine
My emotions spiked like a tine
They're happy to see each other
Yet I am greeted with a bother

Is there a plan?
I should just take a ban
Go away forever
Let them be close and clever
I can't fix anything
I am afraid of everything

Anger and fear
Rotten with a leer
Stomach full and gross feeling
I am truly unappealing
Over thought and upset
Come on, place your bet!

Getting poked by those who care
but the one I want is unaware
I've done nothing progressive
Excuses that the season is festive
All I can do is mutter and run away
To an empty canvas for words to lay

4 or more years I’ve been alone just trying to find myself, the person who I used to be collects dust upon a shelf, and since the past is left behind I’ve managed to turn back time, to be the guy I changed for sakes of others needs but mine.
A rough few years I’ve leaned from pain that my happiness matters too, promising that to myself I’d never be untrue. Figured I’d be happier if I stay away from feeling, because it’s cause nothing but pain inside and left with my heart bleeding.
The Years went by and in my heart a touch of sad inside, emotions building up within I tried my best to hide, told myself I don’t need love I need no one but me, and over the years I kept telling myself until I truly believed.
There came aday I couldnt grasp like a spanner in the works, an oddly feeling that had no reason to cause something to lurk, my better judgement would say stay clear but an overwhelming urge, forced a crazy need to go and take a deeper search.
I gazed with lust temptation controlled so a message i had to send, to a random stranger that came to me as a person of suggested friend, who was this woman and why does she make me feel so asphyxiated, I thought I was fine all by myself but then weird feelings created.
A plunge I took without the knowledge and I thought well just because, I needed to see if she’d reply so I could findout who she was, as time went on things would change and i kept her in my mind, but I couldn’t answer any questions about the reasons why.
Conversations flowed so well and it’s like an open door, she’s become apart of my everyday like she was there all along before. So When the moon comes up and darkness falls I sit by the window side, and I send her hugs an kisses good night through the stars up in the sky
It’s crazy how she makes me feel because we’ve never met, a message I sent to this suggested friend is one I’ll never regret, so when comes the day I meet this girl an gaze into her eyes, it could just be the very start of the best story of of our lives
☺️