Dimension Reinvention

Thread: Dimension Reinvention

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  1. Teshka's Avatar

    Teshka said:

    Default Dimension Reinvention

    Paths are all paved in gold
    But the ends are never told
    Dimensions so deep and long
    I can't find the roots of the song
    I'll just munch on daffodils
    Til my heart goes still

    And pray the angels of gloom
    Won't raise me from my tomb
    Til the seams of forgotten dreams
    Are sewn into ribbons and beams
    Of lavender lights that blind me
    But I know you'll find me

    Where our own song will take
    us above and beyond the ache
    Of knowing that they're all
    Just waiting for us to fall
    But you're god of all divine
    and for me it's sublime

    What is there left to wonder
    If the artist paints one color
    Or the organ's a single chord
    That is lost in the soundless roar
    Of a world turned monochrome
    And not a soul can find home?

    Why is the question worth asking?
    If the answer is everlasting
    Then we must already know
    That a new secret can grow
    Wherever we plant the seed
    We've already written the deed

    On which path next shall we go
    Left or right? I don't know
    But the end is already ours
    I can see the spiraling towers
    And the damsel up there is me
    Just look there and see

    Our paths are paved in gold
    But we'll leave the dreams untold
    And in silence we'll sing our song
    With our secret safe and strong
    Now come and sit with me still
    And have a daffodil
    Last edited by Teshka; 04-24-2013 at 07:12 AM.
    Music is what feelings sound like
    Listen to the Love
    ~♥♥~
     
  2. MoonRide*r*'s Avatar

    MoonRide*r* said:

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    Keep on zonin' babe.
    Anything else I could say just wouldn't measure up.

    PS: Daffodils??
    There is no glamour in sudden death, and nobody ever wins a war.
    :
    Rockers Unite! =>
    ROCK 'n' Roll Halls of Fame
     
  3. MoonRide*r*'s Avatar

    MoonRide*r* said:

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    PPS: Need a wrap in the 4th verse.
    As if you won't see it for yourself.
    There is no glamour in sudden death, and nobody ever wins a war.
    :
    Rockers Unite! =>
    ROCK 'n' Roll Halls of Fame
     
  4. Teshka's Avatar

    Teshka said:

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    fixed. and ty sweets but I think it can use some polish....
    Music is what feelings sound like
    Listen to the Love
    ~♥♥~
     
  5. Eccer's Avatar

    Eccer said:

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    Great imagery you got going here Teshka, and I think you nailed the rhyming, It didn't sound forced to me atleast imo(will further inspect that) I kinda got a "Bioshock Infinite" feel if you know what I mean? (a fantastic game btw!)
     
  6. Teshka's Avatar

    Teshka said:

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    Thank you Eccer, I'm not totally satisfied that I can accurately or fully express the imagery that I feel but I can't even grasp everything that goes on in my mind sometimes and so I feel "good enough" about this...

    Yea I've seen some TV commercials in the past week about Bioshock and yea for sure there was a teeny bit of that mixed into my thoughts when I got the idea to write this

    And just btw, Moon and I like to light-roleplay on another site, mostly text-only but there are some nice graphic options, tho they're getting really outdated....and so I think Moon might be as interested as I am in checking out smth like B.I.
    Music is what feelings sound like
    Listen to the Love
    ~♥♥~
     
  7. Eccer's Avatar

    Eccer said:

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    I totally get what you mean about it not being fulfilling enough according to the vision one has of it first, and that it's good enough. Rarely do I finish my pieces as intended, so I keep changing them all the time till I finaly end up saying "enough, move on and come back when you have become better"

    Well, bioshock. I think i'm near the end now, just awaiting the twist as can be expected from their games

    Edit: My god, that ending surely twisted my mind :-O Thought provoking... perhaps one of the best endings to a game I've experienced. And surely, fits the title of "Dimension Reinvention"
    Last edited by Eccer; 04-25-2013 at 11:29 PM.
     
  8. amaryn's Avatar

    amaryn said:

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    littered with moments of philosophy- bioshock sounds to me like something close to one of my Nightmares: as the army of zombies is growing
    at a devastating rate more than one daffodil indeed will be needed to make people smell the Reality Of Life Here And Now

    Thanks again, Teshka!
     
  9. Teshka's Avatar

    Teshka said:

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    Yw amaryn and ty again

    Eccer now I really have to check out Bioshock!
    Music is what feelings sound like
    Listen to the Love
    ~♥♥~
     
  10. Doug Denslowe's Avatar

    Doug Denslowe said:

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    Love your avatar.
     
  11. Teshka's Avatar

    Teshka said:

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    well thank you Doug
    Music is what feelings sound like
    Listen to the Love
    ~♥♥~
     
  12. Frankie Jasmine's Avatar

    Frankie Jasmine said:

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    Tesh, very well done! I like it. Please be careful of over-thinking it. As Eccer mentioned: "I think you nailed the rhyming, It didn't sound forced to me."

    So, my thought is . . . if you edit, do so with caution so as not to lose that flow-of-consciousness style of this poem. It is--as an appropriate "new" word I am already tiring of--"organic." And you don't want to lose that. ("Organic" in relation to art is a very good word, and an application which we needed in the English language to express a substantive "thing" . . . but I wish someone would invent another word. It is being over-used, misused, abused; but that is not the case applying it to your poem!)
    Last edited by Frankie Jasmine; 04-30-2013 at 04:56 PM.
     
  13. Teshka's Avatar

    Teshka said:

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    Tysm Frankie and yea I understand about over-thinking, and same with over-used words >,< but i appreciate everything about how you described your impressions
    Music is what feelings sound like
    Listen to the Love
    ~♥♥~