Screaming into silence (feedback needed)

(This is about feeling hurt, pain etc but being too scared to say anything to anyone even though thats what you really want more than anything. I wrote this a few months after my fiance' passed away. It might be a little hard finding the flow of the song but it works when set to music)

Screaming into silence

There are two forces inside of me, fighting for my mind
One wants to cry out, it’s yelling your name, it needs what comfort it can find
The other force has a better grip, and will never see defeat.
It'll shut your mouth, it'll hide your pain, behind a mask you won’t see me.


(chorus 1)
Screaming out my pain
Exploding in fits of rage
Shouting in defiance
But all you hear is my silence


I haven’t always been this way. I once was happy when I was with her
Im sorry your gone, I wish it was me, the "what if's" a constant blur
I want to shout your name again, I want to tell of my heart you did steal
But the words won’t come out, im too full of guilt, I just won’t let myself heal


(Chorus 2)
Screaming out my pain
Exploding in fits of rage
Shouting in defiance
But all you hear is my silence

This time im not alright
My heart a rotting mess
My soul in a dirty pile
But it’s all masked by my smile

Awesome lyrics. Sorry about you're fiancee.

Wow, thats pretty deep. I can almost physically feel the pain from the song. I loved the two choruses, they got to me.

Nice job. The internal conflict at the start was a good way of explaining your point

Wow! First off I'd like to say I'm sorry for the loss of your fiancee, and also that those lyrics are amazing! Very well written such raw emotion and depth to them! They really convey the emotion within you and make everybody feel your pain and empathise with you. Brilliantly written!

yeah. dude that rocks. Check out mine. please email me at lovecraft-witchhearts@hotmail.com tell me what you think of it.

Look up and Live.

She wrote to Him, in language of an ancient breed
(One only He could understand)
But not eerie, it is quite simple really
Do not fake what you cannot.

Pending on the decision, one to give another chance
Should I write back (or not) will take more than a dance
Consider every aspect, as you didst to I
Imagine my carcass, from self-matricide.

Embracing the knife for your Perverted Queen
I’ll take my own life, oh if that’s what it needs.
Voice to the damned, for my Christian faith
A message construed with such domination and grace.

(Chorus)

Show something privy, and bathe next of kin
Step on my line of falter, for Medusa Queen of sin
Be grateful for what you have, Live today as if it was your last
(Live for today or die), Don’t be living the past.

The sliced flesh and deep-red, Looks quite good on my veins
Already spilled out, is the result of my rage.
I indulge it all, A message from all the way
Near hit dusk, this one is from the grave.

I’ll take to the grave, for my Lifeless Queen
Just to prove my faith, oh if that’s what it needs.
Reduced to ruins, My grave I broke down
Dressed with poise, in a black funeral gown.

Live for today or die.

I’ll make no sense as I write to you,
Sitting in the Chapel
And we’ll try something new.
For Christ and my strewn,
Blood all over the room
(You did this)
I made you up.
Gabrielle.
Look up and live.

(Chorus)

Touch something privy, and bathe me with sin
Bear the blood of Father, God won’t let me in
He is all you have, Live today as if it was your last
(Live for today or die), Don’t keep living His past.

Live for today or die.

Sorry for your loss but those lyrics were awsome. I think you should have the longer chorus for both choruses not just one.

The saddest sound I will ever hear is the silence when you are not here. I hear your voice in my dreams and its loud and clear. The saddest sound youll never hear is my heart crying and only I can hear. I have a wounded soul that is slowly dying and inside my heart is crying.

I am deeply saddended by your loss....Damien

Wow, these lyrics really spoke to me. loved the angst of the piece.

Wow it's pretty awesome, but as well i'm sorry for your loss, but your lyric speak wildly about it, it's very emotional that i just almost choked myself, i would like to see it in a bit more longer version and it would be awesome if this song were to be play out.