Ishmael

It took all I had to write this. I had to pause multiple times to pull myself back in, it explains what's impossible for me to explain. Here is Ishmael:

2....4...8...16...32...64...128...256......512...1 024....2048....4096....8192......16384. That's where I stop.

I've been blessed with this chronic deed. A deed that will never be fulfilled.

Perfection is not a thing, so how could I finish? How could I conclude one thing I do.

Follow through or face the fits. It's over. You fail. Must start.... Must start over.

Tease my wits with your simple comments, you brainless idiot. You don't know what you're talking about. You don't know what you say.

If you understood you'd die. When you know you've gotta watch for blood on the towel and feel the endless blowing from the back window.

Don't worry, I am, let me think up every possibility. How could this event occur. What possible circumstance could bring this tube apart?

7:53 or bring death to me. Can't fall behind, must slave to my words, must slave to you my dear Ishmael to bring comfort to me.

No one but me can help me, this is mind. And who knows Ishmael better than me?

If you understood you'd die. When you know you've gotta watch for blood on the towel and feel the endless blowing from the back window.

No time for talk, there is work to be done. There is never a stop. Never a point where he lets me break, he hangs on for eternity. He bruises me until the end. You can't escape yourself after all. I wish I could think like you.

Why can't I have your mind? You can just let it go, but it sticks to me. Ishmael sticks to me on and on. Why can't I just not think?

I! Don't want to question that! Just let it go! Let it go. It's unquestionable. It's impossible, but I know you'll stay on it. Oh Ishmael won't let me alone.

Must start oooooooover! Can't get it right!! Why oh must I live in fear of myself!!!!! God WHY??!!??!! Let him rest, let him rest, let him rest.

If I escape the world, oh he'll come up with something. Oh, Ishmael will have something for me!!!

An outlier to freedom, yet a typewriter to fathom him. Why must I be conscious in my misery? One that only I will ever now?

Why does it matter, I won't grind to dust so let it go! It'll heal, let it go! I can think, let it go!

If you understood you'd die. When you know you've gotta watch for blood on the towel and feel the endless blowing from the back window.

You're a monster! How can I shake what he tells me! Oh Ishmael let me go! I will abide! I have my own rules, so forget your none sense!

Pluck the edges, build a bridge to sanity. A fourth goes to you! I give it willingly! Watch it grow! Watch it grow! With mindless amusement as he chuckles at my suffering!

Release the energy through my hands, shake them about to move on.

If you understood you'd die. When you know you've gotta watch for blood on the towel and feel the endless blowing from the back window.

If you understood you'd die. When you know you've gotta watch for blood on the towel and feel the endless blowing from the back window.

Be glade you can't fathom the pain of the unseen! Be glad you can't witness the images! Be glad to moooove oooonn! You don't haaaave to flick.

I really like this, despite a few errors and the fact that I can't figure out what it's about. It's mysterious and intriguing. So... care to relate the meaning?

Haha it's a little out there, I tend to write very non-specific lyrics so people can come up with there own meanings. But basically, it's about my chronic struggle with OCD/OCPD. If you don't know what either of those are, I'll elaborate a little further. Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder characterized by two core symptoms -- obsessions and compulsions.

Obsessions are thoughts, images, or ideas that won't go away, are unwanted, and cause extreme distress. For example, you might worry constantly about becoming contaminated with a deadly disease; that you will do something terrible, like scream out an obscenity at a funeral; or that something horrible will happen to a loved one. Other common obsessions include repeated doubts, such as believing you may hit someone with your car; a need for order; aggressive or disturbing ideas such as thoughts of murdering your partner or child; as well as disturbing sexual and religious imagery.

Compulsions are behaviors that you feel you must carry out over and over. For example, if you are obsessed with contamination, you might wash your hands over and over again. Other common compulsions include cleaning, counting, checking, requesting or demanding reassurance, and ensuring order and symmetry.

That is the definition and basic symptoms. I am of the 1% that have a more extreme version of this disease, that includes almost anything you've ever read on it, hand washing, checking doors, obsessive thoughts, etc. I'm both obsessive and compulsive. Ishmael is the name of the writer of a book called "A Long Way Home" Memoirs of a boy soldier, where he writes about himself getting caught up in warfare and suffers obsessive thoughts of his dead family and all the people he killed trying to survive the war due to the brainwashing he received into being a soldier through drugs and being told over and over that his parents suffered because of the "rebels." Ishmael is a direct metaphor to OCD itself. I used him as a historical allusion. Calling out to him to let me loose of my obsessions, and let me have the mind of someone who has a normal mind track. Most of the song is that and me describing my exact symptoms metaphorically. If this doesn't help, if you quote an exact part of the lyrics. I can tell you their exact origin, what symptom I was referring to, and exactly what my mindset was while writing it. I could break this song up by each word and write a paper on each word I used.