Love Hurts ! I'd like any feedback

I wouldn't really call this a poem, I don't think it is even good enough to call a poem, just something a little something I wrote. Let me know what you think.
By the way, it isn't finished & it needs editing, but as I said, it's nothing special, sometimes when I'm feeling down I just start typing away.

I would take all of the tortures of the world for you,
Just to see you still standing,
I would take all of the heart break and physical pain,
Just to give you a safe landing, I'll forever be your parachute and I'll forever be the victim..
I try and I hope,
that maybe you will do the same for me..
But you cannot do this for me...
For your eyes see me as unworthy,
Yet I hold all of this love for you,
Yet still I am not enough,
Nobody can ever do more than this, (yet it is never enough)
I take all of the smootheness and I take all of the rough,
Yet there are hardly any smoothe times,
because your love is too stubborn/tough,

You've left me here, under the ground,
Under this dirt where I cannot be discovered,
Under this gravel, where I cannot be recovered,
Why leave me here?
Is the purpose of this cruelty for me to die?
I'll forever be waiting, for us to atleast try,
Yes, I don't mind being starved half to death,
and I don't mind if I have to say goodbye,
to this cruel world, where I am forever the loser,

look it's a good start. I am not an expert but my modest opinion is that you have to work with the language that you use . In order to attract someone and make him want to read more you should use more uncommon language.
All in all i believe that you have passed the message to the reader and personaly i do think that you are capable of making this poem great...

You are absoloutely right, sometimes I find it hard to get the exact words that I feel therefore I use simple common words .. I will work on it in future. Thankyou for your opnion and tips.

Hey, first of all i know how you feel since i can relate to a lot of the stuff and i too just type things up when im not feeling well.
As commented before, you use more simple language, but that can also be seen positively since people can relate to it more without needing to go into depth to undertand the meaning. You convey thoughts and feelings very well, and i think that with a bit of work , this will be great

** SUGGESTION: Listening to music and reading lyrics can also be a great inspiration. You should try taking some lyrics from your favourite songs and adapting them into your own concept.

I'll be glad to help with anything you need

Thankyou very much for your feedback Kateva, I appreciate it, and I really appreciate your advice and tips =)

Your suggestion on things I should do for inspiration is absoloutely perfect and so helpful! Thankyou again my dear =)

and thankyou, I will be sure to come to you for help! =)

No problem. I am glad to help.
If you need anything else, just ask. (:

ammmm. i like it . Specially the last sentences
nice wreitting, keep on it

Quite an amazing piece of work

Originally Posted by aZHARI

ammmm. i like it . Specially the last sentences
nice wreitting, keep on it

Thankyou for your encouraging comment dear & I'm glad you liked it.

Originally Posted by Erica1997

Quite an amazing piece of work

Ohh thankyou so much Erica! Very kind of you to say so.